My sister Carmen, who I lovingly referred to as my ‘baby mom’ in a string of diaries throughout the years when I wrote here on the regular basis compels me to write here again. She taught me many things in her lifetime. Many of you may remember the times I came to you seeking advise so that I could relay to my baby mom. She would call me on the phone whenever she needed advise and I always turned to you. You never failed me. I want to start this diary by thanking all of you. On her behalf and myself.
Some nephews/nieces who lived with her got concerned that she probably had over-slept yesterday morning Thursday. In trying to rouse her from her sleep, as over-sleeping had become more common lately as her health deteriorated, as I understand, they discovered that my baby mom had died in her sleep.
As you may also recall, I reside in Milwaukee and my sister and everyone I refer to as family live in San Antonio, Texas. I checked my phone when I heard an incoming call. I had missed the first call and a message told me to answer as it was an emergency. My older niece answered my call and I could hear the wailing sounds of crying in the small and obviously cramped bedroom where my sister passed.
When my niece explained the unfortunate situation of how my sister was discovered peacefully asleep in death — that myth, that folks believe — that near death situations trigger one`s entire life to flash before one`s eyes hit me. I would not know if that myth or saying is true or not but I can tell you truthfully, that what did flash before me, deep in my skull are the many things my sister taught me.
One thing that makes me angry is that she never told me she was sick, or that she was dying. But going back to the many things she taught me, and I can go to the time that my brother Joe passed away in 2012, crying hysterically over the phone she told me about the physical pain that she saw in my brothers life ebbing away. She would not wish a painful death on anyone.
Even when I tried to get her from crying by telling her that people die, she could not get over the thought of seeing how my brother was struggling in pain as he died of pulmonary decease. My brother had just underwent the same heart procedure that I underwent that I wrote about here where two stents had been inserted to unblock an artery leading to my heart. My brother was not as lucky as I was. He developed serious rejection and pulmonary issues had him in constant pain until he was re-admitted to the hospital where he passed. My sister never got over that.
She had this spontaneous affinity for giving light to new born children as she was able to bring new life into this world by having ten children in her 78 years in life. I had this wild thought as I spoke with my niece and hearing the wailing sounds of the many nephews and nieces and their own children as they all flocked around the bed where my sister slept for the last time. It was my sister`s legacy to leave these many children in her sojourn through her short life span.
I am positive, that had I been by that bed, she surely would have had a smirk on her face telling me, ‘ I told you so’. She would die peacefully and painless. And that makes me angry at her. First for not telling me about being sick, if she knew. Second for being able to teach me one last thing: How to die. With dignity and without pain.
Emotionally, like most parents, my sister had her share of pain. She spent what seemed like years living by the bedside of my nephew Tony. With a life ending brain surgery that resulted from a falling accident I wrote here about the trauma and pain that she endured. Interned at a nursing home following brain surgery Tony became a steady staple of my writings back in 2013. I wrote extensively about how my sister complained of the horrors Tony was enduring during his comatose existence of having his arm broken by orderlies while attempting to move him on his bed. To have entered the room where Tony laid to find that he had been subjected to having all of his teeth pulled without her being notified or asked for permission was just one of the many things of horror and pain any parent should never have to live by.
I wrote in one instance while addressing Tony`s situation that my sister vowed to me that her son would be taken out of that hospice and transported home to die with dignity and painless at home among his many brothers and sisters. It came to pass that Tony did went home and died peacefully in the same bed where my sister expired. She had witnessed the horrors that transpired at that particular hospice not only with Tony but also other patients that she told me Tony would not die in pain, but rather in her arms when the time came. She later told me that indeed Tony did die in peace and without pain in her arms.
Many of you sent compassion wishes and advise during Tony`s dilemma to my sister and in her absence, I need to thank each and every one of you.
I am grieving. I may take my time to respond to the comments that I`m sure will come. Measuring the comments that you gave those diaries that I wrote while my sister baby mom was alive is something I will always treasure in my heart. If you ever wondered what my sister looked like in life — and how she connected with new born life, these children, apparently belonging to one or other of her own children among the nine that remained upon her death are a story all on their own.
Finally, because an important issue concerning my sister in life bothers me, I need to ask a question that to some may sound childless unbelievable.
I spent many years trying to convince my baby mom to come visit my family here in Milwaukee. I offered to send her plane tickets so she could come to Milwaukee and spend some time with me and my wife and children. She would never agree to fly on a plane. She was terrified of flying and told me that she would never fly.
So as I mourn and grieve I am in pain also for her fear of flying. I need to ask if a soul, once it leaves a body, flies out into the sky and visit other galaxies, or does a soul chose to remain where the body died?
The shock of her death has not kicked-in for me. I do know however, that the laughing and joking over the phone will have tremendous effect on me in the days ahead. We would spent a lot of time remembering folks we knew when we were younger. Folks who do not exist anymore, and things we did together. I will have to re-set my life without her.
REST IN PEACE BABY MOM
1941 — 2019
